Close, but No Cigar

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “But No Cigar.”

Tell us about a time things came this close to working out… but didn’t. What happened next? Would you like the chance to try again, or are you happy with how things eventually worked out?

If you had the chance to do it all again, would you? Would you do it all the same or make changes? It’s a philosophical debate that has been going on for years. The butterfly effect, if you changed just one thing you may not be WHO you are today or even where you are today. I may not be happy with every step my journey has taken, but I am happy with where I have ended up, for the most part. You can play ‘What if’ til the cows come home, but is that really going to make a difference?

There are critical points in one’s life, I guess you could call them cross roads, whether it be a person, a job, even a chance party that could change your life forever. I have had a few of these, that changed my life in big and small ways, some good, some bad. If I were to change just one, even a really bad one, what would happen? If I were to life my live differently, how different would I make it?

One of these was a job I had, and a part of my life that almost ended in my downfall, to be honest the fact that I made it through relativity unscathed physically and alive is a minor miracle. I did things and got into situations that were dangerous, really dangerous. I was a wild & rebellious teen and young adult, I was far from good or perfect (not that any of us are), my job, my associates, I guess I would call them, as my true friends either tried to steer me straight and I left them behind or they gave me a very wide berth, were getting me into a lot of trouble, the guy I was seeing encouraged that. It was one of those wild, passionate, fiery relationships they write about in movies, but never end well. Ours wasn’t the Romeo & Juliet kind of ending, but it was messy and ugly. In our separation he won the associates and in the end my job (we worked together). I lost site of myself and became an introvert. Some of my real friends took me back, patched me up, cleaned me up and got me on my feet. That whole relationship made me take stock of who I was and where I was going. Eventually I came back into the light of day (hadn’t seen much daylight for while to be honest),  In some ways I was born again out of that fiery hell.There was one thing that happened, one point in time I can put my finger on (the ugly details are not important), my relationships probably would not have imploded. How long would we have lasted? Would we have survived or become a statistic? We were heading down a dark, stormy road of death and destruction. If we had stayed together it would have been nasty…….really nasty. We were like each other’s kryptonite.

The funny thing about all this is, as ugly and painful as it all was, it eventually lead me to Moth, my children and my current friends. I ran into him about 15 years ago, our relationship was hell on him too, our separation was a slap in his face to get cleaned up as well. It just took him a bit longer to react to the slap. He eventually got cleaned up and he even got married and had kids too. He left the job, it didn’t help either of us, it was a bad situation. The meeting was chance but it was good, as over the years I had turned him into the villain, the monster in the cupboard, but he was none of those…he was a victim of circumstance, just like me. We parted as friends, but we have never seen each other since. I still wonder about him on occasion, I hear an old song on the radio, or randomly pass a spot we’d been. Some of it I can recall fondly, but mostly it’s just fragments of a miss spent youth.

So would I change any of it? I doubt it. It made me a stronger person, it showed me who my true friends are and it brought me to Moth and the girls…………so no I wouldn’t change a thing.

– Julz