Conquering the fear

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Phobia, Shmobia.”

It’s not just the phobia, but an actual physical reality, get me a certain height off the ground, I look down, vertigo kicks in, this world spins and frequently I pass out. Perhaps this is where me fear of heights comes from, a fear of falling unconscious? The problem is sometimes my brain doesn’t necessarily realize what’s real and what’s not.

Example A – I can sit in an aeroplane (I’m not the world’s greatest flyer with turbulence and stuff, either), but as long as I sit in an aisle seat and don’t look out the window, my brain is perfectly happy to pretend my feet are on solid ground. They are on a solid surface, it’s just the ground is a long, long way down.

Example B – You know those scenes in movies and TV Shows where the helicopter swoops in or flies quickly between tower cliffs or tall buildings? Well my brain thinks I am actually there and I get very dizzy while sitting in my chair! I’ve even been known to faint. Same scenario with roller coasters, cliffs, and edges of tall buildings on TV. Stupid brain.

Example C –  Now this is a good one and something I have only recently discovered, if I am looking through the small viewfinder on a camera, I can look down, over a ledge and recently even go up in a helicopter. My Brain can’t seem to register the height on such a small viewing area!

Don’t get me wrong, this has not cured my fear of heights, I am still terrified, but I do not get the tilt-o-world vertigo. Without the vertigo, I can force myself to do things I would normally never do; Helicopter rides, bridges and tall buildings.

I guess the other part to this is that I am a bit older, and hopefully a bit wiser. My children are adults, if I do something dangerous (helicopter flight) and the worst does happen, it is OK, I have led a long (but not yet long enough) life, I have led a good life and I know that my children although they may want me in their life (very grateful for this), they no longer NEED me. As long as I am with my Moth, we are OK…..we take the good with the bad.

I don’t go looking for hills to climb, bridges to cross, or ledges to look over, but when opportunity knocks, I no longer run from it. I cautiously, hesitantly move towards it. Tightly holding Moth’s hand. In essence throwing  fate to the wind; what will be, will be.

What is your phobia? Have you conquered it or leant to accept it?

-Julz

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