Contemplation – Week 2

This is a great new challenge by Desley and Frequently Flying Scientist, where she gives us a prompt every week from her KikkiK Journal, this week;

What would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?

I guess it’s time for a little truth serum and then some internal soul searching. As you may or may not know about 18 months ago I was sick, very, very sick; weeks in hospital and months of recovery, but against the odds I did survive and have made a full recovery. Instead of throwing a pity party I made some life choices, this included stop being afraid and stop procrastinating and JUST DO IT (NIKE – my new slogan lol).

I was a born procrastinator, and lazy to boot, I wanted to do things but it was always too hard, or what if I fail. I learned that the worst thing is not death or failure, it’s not living! This is where my blogging and photography started, it was something I wanted to try, so what if I am no good, who is it hurting? But as it turns out I am quite good at least at photography, perhaps my blogging is mediocre, but enjoyable or perhaps my writing is tolerable but my pictures are pretty 🙂 .

I take photos because I want to, occasionally people throw money at me to take photos of them as well, this then lets me buys more toys. My graphic art is something else I have taken up with enthusiasm, more for fun. I have even had two pieces published in a small magazine (no pay lol). So in saying all of that, what is my point?

If I knew I could not fail, I would quit my job and become a full time photography, with a big fancy studio and graphic artist; for magazines, prints and maybe even console games etc. I have a big tendency to let things fall in my lap, I have been quite lucky in that regard, but I have not actively pursued work, nor attention. I guess I am still lazy and worry that perhaps my work isn’t good enough. Mediocrity is often worse than failing. If I had no talent (For instance I do love to sing, but I know I am tone deaf and could never make a living; people would pay me to shut the hell up! But I still sing in the car, shower occasionally in supermarkets).I am not very good with musical instruments either, I am ok with that………..but with graphic art and photography I am quite good, but am I as good as I think?

If I were to just put myself out there, submit more art work, enter competitions, advertise, apply myself more, have more faith in my abilites and creativity. I fear being mediocre more than I fear failing. It’s quite silly, I know. My new outlook on life has taken me figureatively and literally to places I never thought I would see. I have travelled and met people I would have never have met if I didn’t JUST DO IT.I will climb a hill and get on a plane (I’m not good with heights), I even got on a helicopter last year……….just so I could get some amazing photos! My husband and I have never had so much fun……..and yet I still have that little voice in my head saying “Are you dumb? You aren’t that good, stop kidding yourself. Go back to hiding your head in the sand and let the world move on without you. Let the REAL artists create the REAL art and you can go back to playing in the kiddie pool”. In fact I had someone say that to my face, not so long ago, they wanted a real artist – lol. It hurt at the time, but you know what? I just don’t care anymore. If I am not that good………….so what? It is not the end of the world, as long as I am having fun and hurting nobody – it’s all good.