Contemplation – Week 15

I’m running a little behind this week, I almost forgot to write this post, clearly my age is showing (forgetting things), which is funny considering the prompt for this week’s post from the effervescent Desley at Musing of a Frequently flying Scientist  

this week’s prompt: Do you feel younger or older than your actual age?

Can I say it depends on the time of day? Honestly I feel different at different times of the day; let me explain…..when I first get up I feel like I am over 100, stiff and sore, and can barely move (Damn arthritis).  Once I start to move around and loosen up, I feel OK, I guess I feel my physical age (eek nearly 50 oh my), mentally I ‘feel’ younger than I ever have, silly isn’t. I enjoy life and worry less about the little stuff (mostly). In some ways I feel the same as I did when I was 20…….just the body doesn’t seem to agree :-). I used to worry about people treating me like a child (I got married and had kids young), I still like doing similar things, I still like the same music, I still like the same kind of foods……if anything I am more of a daredevil now than back then.

These days my motto is like Nike……Just Do It, seriously I don’t worry what others will think, if it’s something I really want to try, then I do it. Even when I know I will hurt like hell tomorrow, I will still do it. Don’t get me wrong I don’t do really dangerous silly things, but I don’t worry about looking like an idiot, and if I am doing ‘it’ with friends, then we can all look silly together and have a great laugh. Even if ‘it’ is standing around a carpark at 11pm a night in 2c doing light painting on the top of a mountain. Romping around a forest at 7am with my camera while my husband is dressed like a giant rabbit……….sure we get some weird looks; but these days I just laugh.

Until about 9 – 10pm………then I’m usually starting to feel like an old chook again hahahaha. The one thing I don’t do anymore is stay out all night at night clubs, getting home in the wee hours, only to get up and go to work. Nope, if I am up late, I try and sleep in or have a cat nap in the afternoons. My body does not recover as well or as quickly as it used to.

But getting older does suck…..I wish I had the attitude I do now, when I was young and fit and could really enjoy it. Honestly until I move or something twinges, I feel the same as I did 30 years ago, I don’t feel older, I am maybe more mature (although sometimes I think it might be less mature?), it’s just when I look in the mirror and see this fat, old lady looking back at me……I don’t recognise her, honestly I don’t. Maybe that’s why I hate having my picture taken? I am trying to get over this, I really am.

Then as you said Desley, watching family get older too, no fun. I have lost my Grandparents, years ago. Moth has lost both his parents too, but watching mine get old and frail……I really don’t like it. Even my Aunt, I lost my Uncle a few years ago, but my Aunt, like my Dad she is timeless and larger than life, we are so similar in so many ways, but both are now getting old. I guess my Mum has been frail for years in many ways, but still travelling and writing and stuff. But now……they are old and frail. Makes you think about your own mortality; it’s sad.

~ Julz

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