This week’s theme from the Girl who dreams awake is Happy. To be honest, not something I am feeling just now; long story, but bad day I guess. So I guess my theme this week is Not Happy. Apologies; but to read further is turning into a rant.
I am an artist and sometimes we are a tad precious about our art, I’ll admit that, but we are often putting our hearts and emotions on the line when we create, so I think we are entitled to feel an emotional connection to our art. And while we get that not everyone will love what we do, some will…..constructive criticism can be helpful (still occasionally a bitter pill), but then there are the people who just say horrible things.
I know in this day and age of internet trolls, there are people out there with nothing better to do than cut you down and make you feel small and insignificant, I mostly ignore them, they don’t know me and probably never will…….what really stings is when the horrible hurtful things come from your own flesh and blood; someone who should understand and be supportive, not jealous and vile and hurtful.
Honestly I should be used to it; my whole life I have had back handed compliments, but essentially told I an unworthy and any good fortune I do receive is the sheer dumb luck, not deserved through hard work. Never has my true art been completely understood “Why waste your time on that rubbish, your (flowers or insert whatever here) is quite nice, well it will be when you get good at it”. Occasionally I get a comment about how something is lovely or a heart on FB…..makes my heart sing – stupid really, because I know the next comment will be a slap in the face.
Three times this week I have had horrible comments, or just plain stupid ones, my Hubby tells me to just ignore it (I have deleted the comments from FB), but it still bites deep. I seriously am so mad, I cannot even talk to this person who quite frankly is already acting like a petulant child, I am so fed up with the crap I just want to walk away, but that little voice in my head tells me I shouldn’t they are family; a parent.
I read on WP and FB and other Social media how their Moms are their best friend, who support and understand them, I feel a pang of jealousy, but happy for them too and I know I have a supportive Mother figure in my Aunt, who I can turn to in times of crisis, but not the same.
Don’t get me wrong I didn’t have a horrible childhood or anything, just not very well supported. Funny my brother, the lying, cheating, fraudulent criminal in the family is the one they are so proud of……….WTF? Seriously? “Oh he has come such a long way since they let him out of jail, he has really turned his life around, you should give him another chance, you owe him that much” I don’t owe that lying cheating son of a bitch (funny coz he actually is) a damn thing. I have never done anything illegal or hurt innocent people, I have worked hard for everything I have got……..but apparently it was all dumb luck.
So if you have a loving supportive parent; hug them, be joyous, enjoy the bath in their warm glow of love and admiration for a job well done or a life well lived and think of us poor people who will never know how good that feels.
Apologies – rant over, if you made it to the end, thank you for listening.