Another 52 Week Challenge – Week 28

This week’s theme from the Girl who dreams awake is Happy. To be honest, not something I am feeling just now; long story, but bad day I guess. So I guess my theme this week is Not Happy. Apologies; but to read further is turning into a rant.

I am an artist and sometimes we are a tad precious about our art, I’ll admit that, but we are often putting our hearts and emotions on the line when we create, so I think we are entitled to feel an emotional connection to our art. And while we get that not everyone will love what we do, some will…..constructive criticism can be helpful (still occasionally a bitter pill), but then there are the people who just say horrible things.

fractured-selves

Fractured Selves

I know in this day and age of internet trolls, there are people out there with nothing better to do than cut you down and make you feel small and insignificant, I mostly ignore them, they don’t know me and probably never will…….what really stings is when the horrible hurtful things come from your own flesh and blood; someone who should understand and be supportive, not jealous and vile and hurtful.

Honestly I should be used to it; my whole life I have had back handed compliments, but essentially told I an unworthy and any good fortune I do receive is the sheer dumb luck, not deserved through hard work. Never has my true art been completely understood “Why waste your time on that rubbish, your (flowers or insert whatever here) is quite nice, well it will be when you get good at it”. Occasionally I get a comment about how something is lovely or a heart on FB…..makes my heart sing – stupid really, because I know the next comment will be a slap in the face.

Three times this week I have had horrible comments, or just plain stupid ones, my Hubby tells me to just ignore it (I have deleted the comments from FB), but it still bites deep. I seriously am so mad, I cannot even talk to this person who quite frankly is already acting like a petulant child, I am so fed up with the crap I just want to walk away, but that little voice in my head tells me I shouldn’t they are family; a parent.

I read on WP and FB and other Social media how their Moms are their best friend, who support and understand them, I feel a pang of jealousy, but happy for them too and I know I have a supportive Mother figure in my Aunt, who I can turn to in times of crisis, but not the same.

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t have a horrible childhood or anything, just not very well supported. Funny my brother, the lying, cheating, fraudulent criminal in the family is the one they are so proud of……….WTF? Seriously? “Oh he has come such a long way since they let him out of jail, he has really turned his life around, you should give him another chance, you owe him that much” I don’t owe that lying cheating son of a bitch (funny coz he actually is) a damn thing. I have never done anything illegal or hurt innocent people, I have worked hard for everything I have got……..but apparently it was all dumb luck.

So if you have a loving supportive parent; hug them, be joyous, enjoy the bath in their warm glow of love and admiration for a job well done or a life well lived and think of us poor people who will never know how good that feels.

Apologies – rant over, if you made it to the end, thank you for listening.

~ Julz

19 thoughts on “Another 52 Week Challenge – Week 28

  1. Well . . . don’t know if you want advice or not.

    Just in case you do . . . walk away from it. Family (blood, whatever) is overrated. Put a block on Facebook, put a filter on e-mail, block the phone number and move on. Your life will be better for it.

    In case you don’t want advice . . . oh, that’s too bad. So sorry you want to do that to yourself. Have you tried a hammer to the toes? It’s much faster and immediate when it comes to ways to hurt yourself.

    Seriously, just walk away. People are forever hoping that these things will get better, but they don’t. Family, friends, it doesn’t matter; if they are not adding anything positive to your life, cut the ties. Being a nice person, you might end up feeling guilty about it, but when you do, remember this: a hundred years from now, none of this will matter, but even so, remember that it’s not your fault to begin with.

    No last words, no explanation, no interaction telling them why; just cut them off. Once you do, no matter what, don’t change your mind otherwise they will make you feel guilty about that as well.

    Again, if you don’t want this advice, that a hammer to the toes will help distract you from this anger and frustration and hurt.

    Liked by 1 person

    • In all seriousness and without the snark . . .

      . . . it’s a betrayal. It’s one of the most difficult things to deal with.

      As for me, it’s not a matter of having a thicker skin than anyone else. It’s that I analyze my feelings and strive to justify them. At some point one has to look at oneself and ask some questions and give oneself a truthful answer:

      “Do I want that person to have — now and for the rest of my life — dominion over me?”

      “Do I want them to have the power to, on a whim, mess with my life, my happiness, my sense of self-worth?”

      “Does that person (or person) matter more than all the people who love me, support me, encourage me?”

      If the answer to any of those is “yes” . . .

      . . . then the last question is: “Why?”

      In my case, I cannot think of any reason to give anyone the power to diminish my life. Yes, that’s me, not you. That’s born out of my beliefs and experiences. I also know most people don’t examine, explore, and deep-dive into their own feelings; they just roll with them.

      But, if you cannot arrive at the decision to remove them from your life, at least make your peace with it. Making your peace means expecting horrible things to be said, expecting no praise, no encouragement, no validation, and letting them wash over you without regret, anger, and without wishing it were different; accept the fact it never will be different.

      But, if that’s the case, then at least realize that person obviously gives you something other than all those things, something else that you want just as bad. Relish that portion of it, and let go of the rest.

      Heck, encourage them even.

      Ask them why your work sucks, ask them why they think you are wasting their time, ask them for details, not just generalities. What exactly did they hate and why? How much did they hate it? Make them swim in a pool of their own slime, luxuriously rolling around in it, and don’t let them out. Make them own what they are, what they say. Make them repeat those horrible things, make them dissect them, make them examine their response to your work down to the minutia of it.

      . . . and with that, I’ll let this go. In case you are wondering, what you describe in your piece is one of the things that I positively can’t stand, and hence the lengthy comments. However, I’m probably way overstepping my bounds and likely not helping, so I’ll stop; my word on it.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Not a rant; a totally necessary (and well-deserved) vent. I understand how difficult it is to walk away from family even when they cause so much anguish. Rock: hard place. You KNOW you’re talented. You know your work has worth and gives lots of people pleasure. The trick is to turn that knowledge into a cloak to shield you from the detractors. Or maybe a soundtrack that drowns out the bulls**t!
    Kia Kaha. Nga mihi nui.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So I inherited my mothers looks and my fathers personality. Which is a problem as everyone hated my father (they never should have married) and were separated when I was 10.

    We used to visit the grandparents (my mothers) and my grandfather would torment me til I was in tears, eventually I refused to go and visit and he was spoken to about it, not that it did anything really.

    My family is all kinds of toxic, I was the eldest child and not a son, and too like my father and no matter how I tried, I couldnt please anyone any of the time. So when I was 24……I stopped. I wrote a letter to my mother, returning my unopend birthday present explaining in detail how she was so horrible to me, and why I was refusing to further our relationship.

    In essence, I divorced my mother, my sister and my grandmother on that side – they were all part of my mothers fan club. That was in 1994 and I have not spoken to any of them ever since.

    My sister works in the same company as me, we have been in the lift together, stood behind each other in the coffee shop and never spoken a word. People are bemused but they don’t realise that in our family, to give in first would be the ultimate weakness and there is no coming back from that, and so, we do not speak.

    Do I miss my mother – absolutely not – I broke my heart trying to please her and failed. Leaving her behind and taking that toxic mess out of my life was the best decision I made.

    No one needs to be treated like that, and being related to people does not give them the right to treat you like shit. Quite frankly – like the other poster – I am astonished that you would stick around as long as you do, but I also understand that taking such a drastic step is something that most people are uncomfortable with, especially a parent where they are used to them being in an authority position.

    Im going to challenge you with a question – WHO IS BEING THE GROWN UP HERE???

    I can’t tell you what to do, I can only tell you about my choices and why I made them. I can ask you one more question tho….

    If you did remove your mother from your life – whats the worst that could happen?

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think living as an artist is always difficult. It is a way of being others don’t know. I can imagine how you feel as I felt the same so many times. Being rather sensible and vulnerable I often thought about me as the dumbest person in the world which can’t just be normal, doing what others do, thinking like others do and not being offended by them because of being different with my projects, my way of living.

    But well: Life is a bitch – somethimes. And sometimes it is wonderful. Tha sad times are as important as the others, happy moments as important as the unhappy – everything has its time. I hope that you face soon some happy moments again. I hope you can let them people talk and doing your things with proud and confidence. To gain strenght for the next happy moments.

    A song which represents all this for me is Frank Sinatras’ “That’s Life”.

    BTW: I like your picture. Sorry for this way too long text (and my mistakes in English)

    Liked by 1 person

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