Monachopsis – n. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place
I cam across this word recently and thought WOW! such a great word, full of meaning to not only myself but I am sure many others. In my own life and when out socialising with others I have this feeling; nagging in the back of my head. I often feel I am sometimes out of time too, but maybe that is me too.
But an idea for a Conceptual Shoot started to form and I had so many ideas; I also had the perfect model in Hayley. As another creative soul she also understood this concept well and was excited about working on the project too.
As a teenager I felt this, but more so as an adult. If I am at a party or social function where I do not know many people, or it is really crowded, I feel like hiding. Wishing the walls or floor could open up and take me away. Especially if I have said something dumb, this happens all too often; making me quiet and not overly fond of social interactions. Sure I’m fine one on one or with friends, but that is very different.
Life of the Party
Again mostly due to social anxiety, I often feel blind to the fun and frivolity in social engagements. A bit like those dreams where you are naked and blind and everyone in the room is pointing at you and laughing, but you have no idea what is going on. I have often joked that the dead would probably have more fun than me in these situations. I often feel out of place, especially events like Gallery Openings and meeting new clients.
Waiting to be saved
I guess this image has different meanings to different people, but to me it signifies that person who throws you a life line, engages with you; saves you from yourself and the barren wasteland of unease. This could be a friend or partner who knows you well and offers you a safe harbour. Sometimes it is just the release that is felt once you have managed to remove yourself without making a scene.
Don’t get me wrong, I do go out and I do interact with people. I do go to functions and have lots of fun (especially with smaller groups, where I know everyone), but to most I probably just come across as quiet and shy. I am also guessing from a lot of the people I interact with on this blog; I am not alone.
It has been an interesting journey working on a mini series for this one little word with so much meaning; Monachopsis.