I am going to take a small break from the suggested topic, for a reason. The weather is miserable, and I am not about to sit outside anywhere for 20 minutes. Instead, I sat and listened to a young woman who has had her heart broken by the man she was to wed. This woman is proud and strong and vulnerable and beautiful. She is also very, very pissed off!
In the middle of planning her wedding she is now dealing with a broken heart, better she knows now, then six months or more into a new married life, but that is shit no one should be put through. I know, I have been there, many, many years ago, the moral to my story was that in the end I was much better off and met my Moth…my fairy-tale was to live happily ever after. I hope hers will be too. The trouble is when you have suffered so much hurt and disrespect, you start to think less of your self, a little more unsure and a lot more gun shy, how can you ever trust again?
I am sure that these are thoughts and considerations this stunning (inside and out) young woman will have to come to terms with in the coming months. But her story is not really mine to tell, but it did bring up some long forgotten memories of mine. I was young and dumb, late teens, early twenties, it was not love at first sight or anything, but there was chemistry and electricity, it was tangible and exciting. At first, we were good together, very good. But then tragedy struck, the details are not important, but as two very young adults, we had to deal with the aftermath of a friend’s messy suicide and a young child without his father. We were ill equipped to deal with any of this and cracks started to appear. Why do I tell you any of this? I am not making excuses for anyone, but perhaps the stress of the situation was what led to horrible things being done…on both sides.
As you do when you are madly in love, you often live at one person’s house or another, informally; it happened to be mine, as he still lived with his parents, I was in a shared house. I came home from work early one night to find my beloved with my flatmate in an extremely compromising position. I was so shocked I could not say anything, I simply withdrew from the room and collapsed in tears in my bedroom. I lay there all night and he never came in, I guess he realized or didn’t care. As it was we worked together, awkward! I woke him from the couch where he lay sleeping and told him to get ready for work, nothing further was said. It was a very icy, silent treatment in the car, it was cold and dark outside as well. Halfway to work, I pulled over and told him to get out, he must have known I saw them, he said nothing just opened the door and got out, I guess he walked the rest of the way to work and arrived several hours late. Anytime anyone asked me where he was I either told them to shut up or he was on his way to hell.
I pleaded sick and left work early, I went back to my house and emptied all of my flatmate’s belongings on the front porch, when she got home it got into a heated cat fight, involving throwing crockery and various items in her direction until she gave up and left. She sent someone else a few days later to get the rest of her stuff. There is more to the tale, but most of it useless information and there is no need to rehash it all. I did and said things I was not proud of, but I plead intense pain, heart break, and youth.
When you have been cheated on, it is hard not to internalize it, not to lash out at anyone and everyone. I lost friends over this incident, but perhaps they were not truly MY friends anyway. But the torture and what ifs you play over and over in your head, it makes you mistrust everyone, it makes it difficult to find love again. You feel the loss quite keenly, it’s like grief, except they didn’t die, and when you have to see them every day, it is torture. Eventually, I changed shifts and so did he, we did not see each other as often. I eventually left, it was too hard to move on with a new life still hanging onto the old one. I moved on and found a new romantic interest who I will admit, I treated quite badly, I punished him for everything from my old life, to his credit he just accepted it, I have no idea why. I even cheated on him, after everything I had been through, I should have known better, one would think. It was a doomed relationship from the start and would only end badly. Towards the end of that turbulent relationship, I met my Moth, again after not seeing him for many years, but we were only friends. We became close friends, we spent a great deal of time together, an easy fun friendship. Moth gently told me that I should leave that toxic relationship, for both of us, he deserved it no more than I did…and Moth was right.
Eventually, Moth and my bond became very close and then we became more than friends, eventually, as the story goes, we lived happily ever after. we’ve been together nearly 30 years now, two beautiful daughters and a life filled with fun and travel and adventure. I hear my original man got married and moved overseas, I did see him many years after it all happened and we spoke about all of it, I realized that we were both damaged and hurt over what had happened, and he wasn’t the monster I made him out to be.
So happy endings to happen, I just hope the young lady I met recently gets hers too, as she really does deserve one, I think most of us do.
P.S. the title of the artwork is Don’t mess with a woman scorned, she’ll burn your shit to the ground!