Tuesdays of Texture – Once I was whole.

I was once whole, I was once me – whoever Me is? How do we end up where we do? I don’t even think the bits and pieces were stolen or given away, I think just we misplace them. Who do you see when you look in the mirror? I look in the mirror and see a stranger. What happened to that 20-year-old, happy confident self? Am I delusional? Maybe I wasn’t ever really that person. That inner itty bitty shitty voice – the toxic ‘other’ voice.

That woman in the mirror staring back at you with sadness, fear, apathy or self-loathing. Where is the wonder, the joy? The persona shown to the world is not who we feel we really are. When does it start? Slowly bit by bit, day by day, we start to lose a little of ourselves. We tell ourselves it doesn’t matter, just keep going, get up, be a woman, get it done, rinse and repeat.

JuliePowell_Was Once Whole_LR

But what does the world outside see, do they see us as we truly are or just a shell? What do you see when you look at other? We don’t look at other women and think Oh yeah she just ate half a pack of Tim Tams and is feeling self-loathing. I bet she isn’t thinking maybe she should have vacuumed before she left for work. She looks like she spent the whole night not sleeping worried about the kids, the finances, her family. STOP!

We are our own worst enemies and need to stop with the inner critic, there comes a point in our lives when we need to relax and enjoy life, for life is a gift that not all women share. Find your tribe, find your inner voice, stop and really look in the mirror. Those laugh lines are from a lifetime of fun and giggles, those stretch marks are from carrying your beautiful children, sure the boobs are sagging a little and the bum has a bit of extra wiggle, makes sitting and chatting with friends more comfortable! Look at what is there, really look. Somewhere there is still a spark, ignite it and become whole again.

~ Julz, xo