Finding my Tribe…

I feel that lately I have been playing the victim, I have made several rants recently and have been a little self-absorbed and I have no idea why. My life is not awful, in fact far from it. I cannot explain it and I guess I do not need to. I just need to stop it, get over myself and move on.I have felt uplifted by the support and comments from so many friends online, quite honestly it is overwhelming reading all the messages.

I was reading a blog post by Brooke Shaden about 30 things she learnt in her twenties……..man oh man, some people are smart when they are young……it seemed to take me an extra 20 years to learn some of this stuff. Some of it really hit accord within me;

  • If someone doesn’t like what you create, create more of it and know your tribe is out there

I have been blessed with a new tribe in the last 2 years, a creative, encouraging and supportive tribe; the photo below is just a tiny snippet of that tribe. There are people I have never met face to face and due to time and distance, I may never meet them face to face, but I adore them anyway. Some I have met through this blog or FB Groups or through random life choices…but they are all my TRIBE. Some I have met face to face and enjoy their company in person and online and would never trade them for the world.

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Sue, Beck, Desley and Me (left to right)

  • Seek to set yourself outside of the center of your universe.
  • The more you go your own way, the more you’ll inspire others to do the same
  • Create as honestly, unapologetically, and powerfully as you can.
  • Find humility in your mistakes and pride in your successes
  • See small wins as massive successes.
  • Just because you aren’t good at some things doesn’t mean you’ll never be good at anything.

So many of these points are true and I am normally an upbeat person, but a few tiny setbacks this week have cut so very deep, I have no idea why. On the upside I have created a flurry of work, some of it dark and bitter, true………but lets face it most of my digital art is dark, twisted and creepy anyways 🙂

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Who is the Puppet Master?

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The Rain Maker

So again, for the second week in such a short time I pick myself up and continue on;

“Follow your bliss” – Joseph Campbell

I have always loved this quote, and it should be everyone’s motto……..I think I just had an epiphany! My Motto this year is to be BRAVE-R……and I have been, but perhaps that is what has made me raw and emotional? Bearing my heart and soul for the world to see, makes you brave, sure………but it does not guard you against the pitfalls. Just because I am putting myself out there and working really hard, this does not guarantee me success, there are no 100% guarantees in this life. I need to celebrate every small win and victory for what it is; a victory and treat every mistake, heartache and failure as a lesson to learn from. I need to shake loose the victimisation, however small and trivial it is (let’s face it, I am not abused, hunted, stalked or physically threatened……..for this I am grateful), I had my feelings hurt, I didn’t get a prize I wanted, I didn’t get published, I didn’t sell anything, nor get a gallery offer this week………..boohoo me! Shut up and move on. I really need to shake off this feeling, so tomorrow Hubby and I are off to do something fun……….just for the hell of it 🙂

Again thank you all for your support, especially a select few, your thoughts and emails really meant alot and NO you are never overstepping your boundaries, unless I tell you to your (avatar?) face, to back off. I need to stop being a petulant child, deal with things or move on, bitching about them might make me feel better short term, but lets face it, doesn’t accomplish anything long term.

Onto bigger, better, brighter………for tomorrow is a new day (and a Saturday! YAY)

~ Julz

Cee’s B&W Photo Challenge -Camera or Photographer

Cee’s B&W Challenge this week is Cameras or Photographers, so here we go….firstly my photographer and friend Suzanne; taking her photo, while taking mine

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A shot of the studio, complete with my camera, ready for a shoot

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And me……….a photographer, taken by my friend Suzanne, OK so maybe not my best angle, but if you want to point a camera in my face, be prepared for it to possibly look like this 🙂 lol 16121897_10211805327154161_1741228909_o

I hope you have a brilliantly amazing weekend, I know I am planning on it!

~ Julz

WPC – A Good Match

I missed last week, no excuse, just never quite got around to it…….so now it’s time for this week’s Weekly Photo Challenge – A Good Match

They always talk about “birds and bees”, shouldn’t it be bees and flowers? Glorious little worker bees, they do such a good job, without them no flowers (or fruit) and no honey..now there is A GOOD MATCHdsc_7109

Another good match……….a rare pic of me and hubby, I love this photo, it is real, it is us, no pretense, no fake smiles and that long suffering look (and smirk) at my smart arse comments is probably on hubby face more often than he realises!jr_s-balding

I hope you all have an amazing weekend, I know I plan on it!

~ Julz

Another 52 Week Challenge – Week 28

This week’s theme from the Girl who dreams awake is Happy. To be honest, not something I am feeling just now; long story, but bad day I guess. So I guess my theme this week is Not Happy. Apologies; but to read further is turning into a rant.

I am an artist and sometimes we are a tad precious about our art, I’ll admit that, but we are often putting our hearts and emotions on the line when we create, so I think we are entitled to feel an emotional connection to our art. And while we get that not everyone will love what we do, some will…..constructive criticism can be helpful (still occasionally a bitter pill), but then there are the people who just say horrible things.

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Fractured Selves

I know in this day and age of internet trolls, there are people out there with nothing better to do than cut you down and make you feel small and insignificant, I mostly ignore them, they don’t know me and probably never will…….what really stings is when the horrible hurtful things come from your own flesh and blood; someone who should understand and be supportive, not jealous and vile and hurtful.

Honestly I should be used to it; my whole life I have had back handed compliments, but essentially told I an unworthy and any good fortune I do receive is the sheer dumb luck, not deserved through hard work. Never has my true art been completely understood “Why waste your time on that rubbish, your (flowers or insert whatever here) is quite nice, well it will be when you get good at it”. Occasionally I get a comment about how something is lovely or a heart on FB…..makes my heart sing – stupid really, because I know the next comment will be a slap in the face.

Three times this week I have had horrible comments, or just plain stupid ones, my Hubby tells me to just ignore it (I have deleted the comments from FB), but it still bites deep. I seriously am so mad, I cannot even talk to this person who quite frankly is already acting like a petulant child, I am so fed up with the crap I just want to walk away, but that little voice in my head tells me I shouldn’t they are family; a parent.

I read on WP and FB and other Social media how their Moms are their best friend, who support and understand them, I feel a pang of jealousy, but happy for them too and I know I have a supportive Mother figure in my Aunt, who I can turn to in times of crisis, but not the same.

Don’t get me wrong I didn’t have a horrible childhood or anything, just not very well supported. Funny my brother, the lying, cheating, fraudulent criminal in the family is the one they are so proud of……….WTF? Seriously? “Oh he has come such a long way since they let him out of jail, he has really turned his life around, you should give him another chance, you owe him that much” I don’t owe that lying cheating son of a bitch (funny coz he actually is) a damn thing. I have never done anything illegal or hurt innocent people, I have worked hard for everything I have got……..but apparently it was all dumb luck.

So if you have a loving supportive parent; hug them, be joyous, enjoy the bath in their warm glow of love and admiration for a job well done or a life well lived and think of us poor people who will never know how good that feels.

Apologies – rant over, if you made it to the end, thank you for listening.

~ Julz

The Wedding Stalker…

What is it about me and weddings? Am I all alone in this? Is it the woman in me, the hopeless romantic (I’m not really), or the photographer? Maybe I’m actually a voyeur? I can’t seem to help it, I am frequently found stalking a wedding party at various places of interest where we have been……..Craig’s Hut on top of Mount Stirling, in the city, various gardens and now the latest at Montsalvat. I also have a Wedding in Bali later this year………and yes there will be pics of that as well 🙂

So welcome to Olivia and Mitchel’s wedding  (well that was what was on the sign)

There were so many people buzzing around with cameras, including the THREE wedding photographers, I didn’t even hide, nor feel self conscious lol …such a lovely afternoon. I never got any of the ceremony, I thought that might be a bit too much!

~ Julz

 

Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge -Looking down at things

This week’s CFFC is Looking down on things…….it’s funny a year ago, I did not really like ‘flat lay’ photography, now after 12 months of fairly intensive Still Life classes, I love it, I have a far better understanding of it and use it often, and not just for Still Life.

I am also a big fan of 45 degree angle shot too, great for items where there really isn’t too much background, but shoot from completely on top looses some of the details; but it is still looking down.

Great challenge for this week Cee, can’t wait to see what everyone else does…

~ Julz

Summer Outings – Montsalvat

Nestled in the pretty bushland of Eltham lies the stunning estate of Montsalvat, which was built decades ago (1934) as an artist collective and still is today. I have been there briefly a few months ago, but too late to venture inside, but I have been keen to visit ever since and it was on my smaller bucket list. Recently  I was invited to visit to tour the facilities as I have been booked for an exhibit in the Residents Gallery (in 2018!). So we investigated the gallery I am to use, wonderful atmosphere,  small and intimate; perfect. We then had free rein to wander the grounds, so we did. There was a wedding in progress and I stalked them when they appeared for their photos in the grounds, and we also wandered around the amazing compound, just decrepit enough to be interesting and restored enough not to ruin the dreaminess of this place. There were families and couple enjoying picnics on the grounds and children running everywhere. There was even a peacock or two to stalk as well. With such glorious weather we lingered here for much longer than we probably should have; but it was just so good to be enjoying the sunshine (without it being too hot). I know there is a lot, but trust me this is nothing and I have put the wedding and peacock stalking in their own posts, also the flowers got their own post and I will do one for the statues as well…

~ Julz

Share Your World – Feb 21st, 2017

When you cut something with scissors, do you move your jaw (as if you were about to chew)? Not that I am aware of, what a strange thing? But, perhaps there are some out there who do?

Do you chew your pens and pencils? I don’t chew on them so much as to put big dents in them, but I am known to put one in my mouth from time to time when I cam thinking. I also tap them on desks and such and of course lots of scribbles when stuck on the phone.

Are you a collector of anything?  If so what? Camera gear? Oh and Still Life photography props, it’s amazing the stuff you seem to collect, without meaning too. A bit here, a bit there. Oh and not that I am collecting them as much as I am be given them, but I now have an impressive collections of ballgowns for concept photography…weird, right?

What size is your bed? Queen…..but way too small. I love it when we travel and get a King Size bed and NO animals…..oh heaven. I would love a King sized bed at home, but it would not physically fit in our bedroom; our bedrooms are quite small.

Optional Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?  

I got to work with a new model and got a start on my new series (The Tarot, card of mysteries). I also took some other shots for various projects. I have been very active on the computer with various images lately, I feel inspired and that is a good thing.

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Butterfly Kisses

The fact that I am feeling inspired is allowing me to get lots of work done, however it leaves little time for other things, like housework and cooking. I can live with the dust, but we have started getting prepared meals delivered a few times, to feed us at least 3-4 nights a week. Breakfast is easy, salads for lunch is fine, but it’s the evening meal when I just want to create is such a pain and we can never agree on what to eat, so we end up with pizza or crap of some description. Now at least we have fresh healthy meals all prepared and just need to be heated, even in the microwave if we really want it quick. Next week…………not sure, hopefully more of the same?

Join Cee and Share your World

~ Julz